Thinking differently makes you feel better

You cannot change the things that happen, but you can change your response. In other words, you cannot change events but you can change your thoughts.

Example 1: Tamim
Tamim takes care of his wife Aidah, who is living with dementia. He writes the following:

Name: Tamim
What was the event that made you feel upset or miserable?

Yesterday my wife Aidah and I visited some friends. We had tea together. Aidah dropped her cup on the floor.
When they started to clean the floor, Aidah did not help, but she stood in the way. She did not apologise for her behaviour but laughed.

What were your unhelpful thoughts?

Our friends are upset with my wife and won’t invite us to their house again.

What would be more helpful to think?

My wife has dementia and is unable to think and act in the same way that she used to.
Our friends won’t blame my wife as I have explained to them that she has dementia and that her thinking has declined.

How could the helpful thoughts make you feel?

Instead of feeling worried and ashamed, I would have felt happy about the day we spent with our friends.

Example 2: Ghada
Ghada takes care of her brother Hamdan, who is living with dementia. She writes the following


Name: Ghada
What was the event that made you feel upset or miserable?

A week ago, our sister came to visit us. At the end of the day, I said to Hamdan, “it was a great day, don’t you think?” Then he said that
he was not sure, because he could not remember exactly what we had been doing. He said that he was tired and wanted to sleep.

What were your unhelpful thoughts?

ONothing we do is worthwhile because Hamdan forgets everything. Everything is ruined because of his dementia.

What would be more helpful to think?

Even though he cannot remember what we did, I know that he had a great day too, and that is what counts.
He smiled a lot today and kept saying how nice it was that our sister came.

How could the helpful thoughts make you feel?

Instead of feeling sad and miserable, I would have felt happy about the day we spent with our sister.

Now it’s your turn. In the next exercise you will work to change your unhelpful thoughts into helpful ones.

Try to think of a recent event that
made you feel upset and answer the
questions below. You can refer back to the examples on the previous page for some help.

Name:
What was the event that made you feel upset or miserable?



What were your unhelpful thoughts?



What would be more helpful to think?



How could the helpful thoughts make you feel?



Practice makes perfect. Do you want to try one more time? Please answer the questions below for a different event

Name:
What was the event that made you feel upset or miserable?



What were your unhelpful thoughts?



What would be more helpful to think?



How could the helpful thoughts make you feel?